The Mission(Instant Friend)

Cyber Friend

I needed a text mate or a chat mate. No high-standard qualifications,just someone who would painstakingly reply to my messages. So, that was my mission. Just like that.

No, I'm not doing this because I just feel like doing so, I'm doing this because a have to. Or else, I'll have nothing posted on my blog.

I decided to look for a text mate instead of a chat mate, though it would be more convenient to look for a cyber pal in the cyber net. Text mates are fun people, or so I thought.

"PweDe makiPagFriendS?"

That was the most casual pick-up line I could ever think of. I sent that message to many random dialed numbers, then to the contacts whom I do not know, but had their numbers saved on my cell phone.

A second passed after having the message "sent to many".

Another second passed.

And another.

And another.

And another, until I was running out of patience. But as I was about to convince myself that what I'm trying to do was hopeless and totally stupid, a number replied. And I never thought that a simple "huz diz?" would be like a manna from heaven awaited for hundred of years.-This is hyperbole. Of course.

"BlaisE po."

That was my instant and dishonest reply. And after some more exchange of messages and white lies of how and where did I get her number, I soon had a little glimpse of her. Her name is Sheila Mae. She's 21. A 4th-year nursing student of Notre Dame of Marbel University, the same institution where I finished my grade school and high school.

Though I was able to make up this good-sounding things about myself (selective self-presentation) and how I got her number, I was not that sure if she really did believe me. I didn't see her facial reactions, nor any non-verbal cues. Of course, we were just texting, so all physical contexts were not present.

According to the Social Information Processing Theory of Joseph Walther, there are two features of CMC(computer-mediated communication). The verbal cues, which means that communicators make their impressions of their fellow communicator based solely on the linguistic content of their computer mediated message. This, I have proven when my text mate talked about her love life. She told me that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship as of the moment, because of her past experiences. Without seeing her facial expressions, body positions and any physical movements, I have made up an impression that she had loved deeply and is still in pain. And that her "past experiences" still lingers.

Another feature is the extended time. This states that in CMC the rate of exchange of information is slower than face-to-face, therefore impressions are formed at a reduced rate. Since our communication is only through texting, the time and the network availability is also very crucial. There was this one time, when I wasn't able to reply to my text mate's message right away, this made her irritated, though it wasn't really my intention to irritate her.
My text mate and I spent hours and hours of texting. And it came to the the point that she would ask me questions about my family, school, and love affairs. I would answer each of her question carefully, so that I wont give her any reason to have a bad impression of me. And she would comment on my answers, as if we have known each other very well.

There were also times that she would talk about her own self. Like how she hated the judgments done by other people on those individuals who chose to take up nursing.

"Alam mo, naiinis tlga ako sa mga taong iniicp na pera lng ang dhilan kung bkit nagnunursing yung mga kumukuha ng nursing. Hndi nman kc lhat gnun eh. Iniicp kasi nla na mag-aabroad lng kmi pgnktapos na. Pro di nman laht ng nagnunursing my blak mag-abroad..di ba?"

There were some points in our conversation that she would talk about her family. How they felt about her not having plans of taking the NCLEX or going abroad. She would tell me that becoming a nurse wasn't really the dream of her life. That she always wanted to be a lady soldier, however her dream was devastated because of her lack of height. Then I comforted her by saying that every occupation of each person is a noble job, especially when you serve people who are in need.

The disclosures she made, showed friendliness. As what the Social Information Processing Theory suggests. And what the two of doing (giving each other compliments, these when I told her that I'm from UP, and when she told me that she always wanted to be a soldier) were our techniques of avoiding conflicts and save face. And since we were just text messaging each other, both of us have ample time of thinking, planning and editing the things we say in order to keep our harmonious relationship. I, myself was really careful of what to text message her, because of the fear that she may not reply anymore.

In the end, I appreciated my so-called text buddy for sharing a part of her or perhaps her whole self to me. I get the notion that sometimes, it is easier to disclose one's self and emotions to a stranger whom you never actually see and is just existing in cyber space or in the text messaging world. Maybe this is because, humans need to open up, to spill their feelings and they need people who would listen and not judge them; and to achieve this need they engage in computer-mediated communication. They have nothing to lose anyway.

Social Information Processing Theory-Summary

Social Information Processing Theory

The Social Information Processing Theory of Joseph Walther focuses on communication process/es in the context of cyberspace. (cyberspace-the notional environment in which communication over computer network occurs.)

Walther believes that relationships grow through exchange of information between communicators. The SIP is undeviating with the social penetration theory, the only differences is in SIP communication is mediated by communication(CMC) and there is no physical context (facial expressions, tone of voice, interpersonal distance, body position, distance, appearance, gestures, touch and smell) involved. However, even if physical context is absent, this does not hinder the communicators to make relational developments.

2 Features of CMC that justifies the Social Information Processing Theory:

1. Verbal Cues
CMC users can make fully formed impression through what is available, that is-linguistic content of the computer mediated messages (emails, instant messages, text messages). For example, you are chatting with a total stranger over the internet, now, this stranger gave an intellectual-sounding conversation with you, since this person gave you that kind of conversation, you will think that this person really is that intelligent, based solely on what you talked about and the kind of language he/she used.

2. Extended Time
The rate of exchange of information through CMC is slower than face-to-face communication, therefore, impressions are created slower as well.It is like a sip instead of a gulp. Because in face-to-face context, information are easily and readily exchanged between communicators who just first met rather than those who are using CMC. Extended time would also refer to the length of time that communicators would need before they can send/receive messages. Thus, making thus feature very crucial in a cyber-relationship.


Since there is the absence of nonverbal cues, CMC users rely only on the text-based messages. As they exchange information about themselves, they then realize their similarities and start expressing affection in their messages.

It is through CMC that humans are able to look for people whom they believe are like them. And when they find people who have many similarities with them, they tend to build a relationship with them and slowly make disclosures. On the other hand, CMC users would tend to make and sustain a positive impression and try to talk about their best attributes(selective self-presentation). Also, CMC users would be very careful of the things(messages,comments,answers, and questions) they send to each other and try to be friendly and to save face.

CMC users who are really motivated to create a growing relationship with other CMC users would have to synchronize their times in order to have their interaction. However, computer communication provides communicators to interact, without having to attend to each other at the same time. And this is one of its great advantages over face-to-face communication.